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20 July 2012 @ 12:12 am

“Why does everyone have red wristbands but ours’ are purple?” Brennan asked as they waited in line for their first camp lunch.  The chatter in the communal cafeteria was similar to the orientation warehouse; loud and jocular.  They had been handed wristbands as they entered the cafeteria and the entirety of the Green Team had been given purple, while it appeared everyone else got red. 

“We’re special, clearly,” Patrick said as they moved forward to pick up classic cafeteria trays in shades of gray and rose pink.  He threw a wide grin over his back at Brennan who immediately smiled back.  Brennan’s eyes drifted down to Patrick’s love handles filling out the camp issued white t-shirt with the big number three on the back.  They jiggled a little each time they moved forward in line and Brennan wondered if the number five on his own back was jiggling as well.

Patrick and Brennan approached the windows where ladies were unceremoniously dumping food on plates.  Before them, the blue team was receiving what looked like a pasta salad and some sort of sandwich on wheat bread.  Brennan’ stomach growled and he couldn’t agree with his belly more.  This food wasn’t going to cut it but damn if most corporate events didn’t always tend towards healthier fare.  Thus it was with surprised pleasure that he reacted when Patrick and he received their food. 

The lunch lady, early 50s and maternal in a scary Russian way, called back to the kitchen, “The purple bands are here” and didn’t attempt to scoop the pasta salad sitting in front of her.  She instead handed each member of the green team’s tray to a very skinny guy who ran out in an apron and hairnet from the kitchen swinging doors.  He returned shortly with each tray heaping with fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, Caesar salad, two sweet rolls, several slices of brisket and a warm piece of apple pie with two scoops of ice cream on top. 

“Holy shit” Dean said, the number four of their corporate green team.  Each guy took their tray and was surprised by the sheer weight of it.   Brennan used both hands to carry it to the table with the green flag where their leader, Greg sat with his own tray of bottled drinks. 

“Hey guys! Come on over and let’s get to know each other better!” He started passing out the bottled drinks, which looked like an off brand Gatorade.  Brennan paused before taking his from Greg’s hand. “Greg any chance of getting water?” Greg smiled and shook his head.  “Unfortunately the camp water system is a little jacked up so no drinking water.  But I’ll be sure to ask for bottled water for the next few days when the coaches meet with administration tonight!”  Greg firmly placed the energy drink into Brennan’s hand and moved down the table.

Brennan surveyed the massive amount of food and even though he was trying his hand at gaining, wasn’t sure he would be able to finish it all.  He was more of a grazer in general, a snack here, a snack there.   He took a bite of the fried chicken and was impressed with how hot and delicious it was.  Brennan uncapped the energy drink and took a long swig to follow the chicken.  The drink tasted like a lemon lime concoction not unlike most yellow energy drinks.  He took a bite of the macaroni and cheese which was also delicious.  Good on these camp cooks, he thought.  But why did we get this and everyone else gets standard corporate health food? 

“Hey Greg, why are we getting this great spread and everyone else got rabbit food?”  Patrick beat Brennan to the punch.  Patrick took a big drink of the energy drink while looking at Greg for a response. Another classic Greg smile and spreading of his hands.  “Guys you lucked out.  Only one team is chosen as the Exponential Team and you guys are it.  I’ve never had the Exponential Team before so it’s very exciting for me.  All week long, you guys get special treatment so you can experience what leadership in corporate America is all about. Enjoy the perks guys!” 

Brennan high fived Dean, their number four, and his stomach growled again.  He suddenly realized how ravenous he was after the long bus ride and the weighing in.  He tore into the brisket and macaroni with abandon.  The other guys seemed to be doing the same, for as the other corporate teams of red, orange, black, blue and white were all still chatting amicably, the Green Team was silent.  Everyone was eating with a serious intensity. 

Within the span of ten minutes, every tray at the Green table was clean and each guy was leaning back with a very full belly.  Brennan noticed with a rising reaction that Dean and Patrick’s shirts were raised a half an inch on their guts, a nice healthy section of hairy chub pushing out.  Patrick’s classic Italian looks were utterly enhanced with the vision of well-fed plumpness he was giving off.  Every guy looked ready to pop. 

Patrick let out a large belch and patted his belly contentedly.  “Damn this retreat is doing well by me so far.  That was a great lunch!” Greg stood up and smiled his Prince Charming grin.  “Just wait until dinner! Alright let’s go boys and get you into some workshops!”   Brennan stood up with the other guys to head out into the camp and with a quick sway, steadied himself.  Dang, he thought, I’m super full.  It’s almost throwing me off balance.  He gave himself a quick rub on the swollen tightness of his belly and followed the other guys to their first workshop.

16 July 2012 @ 01:44 am
The Pantages in Hollywood is an extremely famous old theater in the middle of all the classic touristy stuff in Hollywood.  You see families staring at the stars on the sidewalk, the homeless tap dancing to get your money and people streaming to the theater to see amazing shows.  I was streaming with sheer delight this Saturday to see Christopher Sieber, longtime husky crush, in La Cage Aux Folles.  It takes one hell of a drag queen to catch my eye [Raja/Raven/Willem] and Sieber is bigger than all of them.  Literally.


La Cage Aux Folles is the musical interpretation of the French play of the same name, written in the 70s.  It was adapted for the mainstream as The Birdcage so if you've seen the movie, you know the broadstrokes.  Everything takes place in St. Tropez which is glamorous and gorgeous, I wanted to be in a small cafe having baguette before heading off to a steamy drag cabaret act in the 40s.  The show is basically tailored made for the queers like me which is why I was probably so damn giddy the entire time.

The show starts with a 1920s styled drag queen making her way through the audience, doing the traditional drag queen schtick: flirting, being obscene and hammering people on their appearance.  Fun.  It's a fairly adult show which was exemplified when the drag queen, Lily Whiteass, mimed a blow job in reference to an 89 year old woman.  Hee hee.  

What ensued was two hours and forty minutes of fun.  Anytime Christopher Sieber was on stage, it was a chance to take in his sheer size, [he's listed as 6'2'' and I'd wager he's 280-290 EASY].  He's a big presence [cough] and he first shows up on stage in a very tight corset.  Christopher is an extremely handsome and large man; causing me to lose track of what was being said on stage and just stare at him in motion. 

George Hamilton plays Georges, the owner of the nightclub and while it was endearing to see George Hamilton performing, the show was held aloft and kept its heady pace thanks to Sieber. 


Most Amazing Portions of La Cage Aux Folles

1. Christopher Sieber's chest/belly jiggling when he walked down the steps in a dress shirt. 
2. The Can Can with 6 drag queens.  Awesome dance.
3. Sieber's I Am What I Am.  I got a little teary.
4. The full Cabaret midnight show.  It got a little risque and involved Christopher rubbing his nipples. 
5. The ultimate message of the beauty of gay love.  Again, teary.


I left the show fulfilled on many fronts:

1. Erotic - handsome husky guy dancing and singing for hours.  Check.
2. Humor - I was chuckling/giggling nonstop, and clapping with delight at some of the dance numbers. 
3. Heartstrings - I wanted to be at a beach cafe in St. Tropez with a middle aged husband.  Le sigh.

Overall, great performance, slightly lackluster on Hamilton's part but overly compensated by Sieber.  Loved it.
10 July 2012 @ 05:27 pm
Great ad in my GQ:

09 July 2012 @ 05:15 pm
Currently two out of seven books into Stephen King's Dark Tower series.  I wrote a long while back about reading The Little Sisters of Eluria in one of King's short stories collections and it sparked a huge interest in the series. The books bring together western, science fiction and horror in a stylish quest to find and [destroy?] the center of everything, the Dark Tower. 


I'm starting to really enjoy the series, in particular the word lobstrosities, and am adapting to the inclusion of modern day elements in a western fantasy world.  I have great trepidation over Bioshock Infinite's portals/rips in time to other dimensions and the Dark Tower is helping me reconcile the issue.  Also, it all ties into the explanation of the 10 dimensions I saw on YouTube that basically made my brain explode.


Two Books In: The Best Parts of the Dark Tower

1. The Massacre at Tull  [reminded me enormously of this: The Backwater Gospel ]
2. Dum-a-chum?  Ded-a-chek?
3. The drawing of Jack Mort. 
4. The deadly trap of the word 'Nineteen'
5. How often the word belly or gut are used.  It paints a nice picture.

I plan to have the full series finished by the end of next week.  My friends best prepare themselves, I plan on talking about this series at length.  My family has already been subjected to a litany of recaps and theories on the Dark Tower.  "and then this giant lobster shows up but its an evil lobster if you can picture it.."
08 July 2012 @ 11:57 pm
Love superhero art of many forms, but especially the rotund.  Anthony Lister's artwork is excellent on its own merit, then he went and did a fat Batman.  Awesome.


superman by Anthony Lister


04 July 2012 @ 10:12 am
02 July 2012 @ 07:45 pm
My favorite type of guys to shoot a glance towards are the rough and tumble cowboys, the dirty masculine feel that guys get with a pair of boots and a hard day's work.  Hence, my absolute adoration of Paul Freeman's photography of Australian men.

Here are a few sample favorite.  I will admit, I usually add 20-30 pounds to the gents pictured but that's personal preference.




naked horseman5

Wherever this ranch is located, I'm willing to hike the distance to grab one of the open bunks. 
18 June 2012 @ 02:11 am
Occasionally you need to go out and find the muscle/pudge combo goal pics that keeps you lifting at the gym and eating at the table.  Here are my latest finds:

Really torn as to a favorite but I'm going to have to say the footballer.  I'd wager after just one buffet, that belly rounds out.
13 June 2012 @ 07:01 pm

Peter Dinklage is one of the many reasons to watch Game of Thrones.  His brilliant acting and amazing story arch run the gambit of hilarious to devastating; resulting in him winning the Emmy and the Golden Globe for his portrayal of Tyrion Lannister.  With that in mind, and my sadness at not seeing Dinklage for another year at the conclusion of Season Two, I decided to finally watch the much recommended British comedy, Death at a Funeral

Please note: the BRITISH film.  Do not get the American knock off in which Dinklage reprises his role.

First of all, I love British humor.  The understated long suffering nature of British comedies always make me laugh.  I don't know why I stalled so long in seeing this 2007 comedy but man, my mistake.  This movie had me in hysterics.  The madcap fun starts slow and builds in manic fun to the point that I was grinning halfway through the movie, waiting for the next pitfall of a family funeral.

This was thanks in large part to someone quickly becoming a favorite character actor: Alan Tudyk.  You'd know him from Firefly and Tucker and Dale versus Evil.  Alan is a comedy genius in my opinion.  His sudden awareness of the mom's hat....I was dying.  He gave deep personality to an inanimate object and he does it entirely through facial expressions.  I missed half the lines people were saying at certain points in film because Alan was reacting in the background.  Laughing way too hard and enjoying every moment of it.

The basic premise of Death At A Funeral is the gathering of a British family in the country for the patriarch's wake. Naturally, as do most family events, this also brings out the family secrets in a major way.  The family scrambles to keep them under wraps and hilarity ensues.   Sounds exactly like our family events and I identified with the long suffering brother trying to control everyone's craziness.  Anyone should easily identify with this family and their friends; the caustic old man no one wants to talk to, the druggie slacker cousin, the unreliable braggart and the withering mother in law.

Favorite Moments

1. The Coffin Part I
2. The Mother's Hat versus Simon
3. The Coffin Part II
4. The Bathroom Scene
5. Simon. Simon. Si-mon.

Clearly this movie was very much about Simon for me.


The movie was gleeful for me.  [Glee on TV is ruining the word glee for me. I just realized typing it and I resent the show for that]. It's the type of movie I'll watch anytime I feel the need for some good-natured fun and hearty laughs.  If you want to see your buddy's belly shaking from deep laughs, pop some butter laden popcorn and throw on one of my new favorites, Death at a Funeral.

12 June 2012 @ 06:39 pm
I have several friends who are vegan and one of my favorite vegan jokes came from them:

"How do you know someone's vegan?" "Don't worry, they'll tell you."

Ha. Every one of my vegan friends extoll the huge benefits to plant based diets; including feeling healthier and losing tons of weight.  Feeling healthier is always great but the latter was enough to scare me off to a viewing position.  Plus, I love a filet with bleu cheese.  It's one of my last meal items.

This week, the news is abuzz with CNN correspondent Rich Roll's 'transformation' from being a 'fat to fit father'.   I always click on these articles mostly curious about the before picture but reading this story gave me the trepidation I occasionally get when someone goes overboard on the definition of 'fat'.

Here's Rich in his fat stage, 210 lbs at the age of 40.

I think he's handsome and hardly fat.  Straighten up and suck it in, there's no belly whatsoever.  Rich claims he was having trouble climbing stairs and was sure a heart attack was imminent.  No actual doctor's physical, just a general feeling.  He switched to an all plant diet.

Here's Rich now, at 160 lbs at the age of 42.

You know, I wish Rich the best and hope he's happy with his body now but in my opinion, he's aged himself 15-20 years, he looks emaciated and I wouldn't glance at him twice on a street.  He looks ill, like a Dust Bowl migrant worker starving because there isn't food enough for anyone.

The news in general is excited at the results of veganism but I wish a few more people were saying, what was wrong in the first place?  Start exercising, keep yourself healthy with good food choices in all arenas and a little pudgy belly will not be the nuclear bomb you think it might be.  In fact, it may keep you looking younger, more cuddly and generally more approachable. 

I'm ready for the diet based on keeping the pudge but getting the rest of your body healthy.